Identity Crisis: moving on and living in the moment

I've been struggling to write this post for a number of weeks. The ideas were in my head but getting them to come out and form coherent sentences was another story. It's also a scary topic and something that I'm struggling through right now, so opening up and being vulnerable is hard (plus Internet trolls exist). 

When I was on vacation I had plenty of time to unplug and just be present. I didn't realize the hold social media had on my life until I disconnected. For the first time in months I felt free. Freedom from the fear of missing out if I didn't log on and scroll through the various feeds. I knew I was missing out on what my friends were doing and I was ok with it. I five time zones away from home, there was simply no way I was going to stay caught up on what they were all doing. 

A large part of blogging is connecting and sharing on social media, but for a number of months I felt so uninspired. I started this blog as a way to share the recipes my friends and family always ask me for, but it ended up turning into so much more. I've been blessed to build relationships with some really awesome companies, test out some really cool products, and connect with fellow bloggers, some of whom have become really great friends. 

I got caught up in it though. I got caught up in the need to share. If I went out to eat, I had to take a picture before I dug into my food. The lighting needed to be good, I had to get the right angle, etc. But I was tired. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have walked into my kitchen over the last few months and felt so uninspired that I turned around and walked out. My meals have mostly consisted of leftovers I have found in the fridge. I honestly can't remember the last time I meal prepped or planned out my macros for the week. I can't remember the last time I baked something for sheer enjoyment. Even logging onto instagram felt like a monumental task because I was tired of having an entire feed filled with food, no matter how delicious it looked. I was so tired. 

My soul craved more. I took my vacation as a time to recenter. I did things I wanted to do for sheer enjoyment. I ran early in the morning so I could watch the sunrise, I played in the ocean, napped by the pool, ate my body weight in açai, watched the sunset, took longs walks, practiced yoga on the beach, and I didn't have my phone on me 24/7.

For the first time in months I felt alive and invigorated. I was doing things I was passionate about simply because I wanted to.

Of course I'm still passionate about healthy eating and helping other people who suffer from food allergies, intolerances, and autoimmune diseases find recipes that are delicious and don't contain crazy ingredients, but I don't think that's what I'm meant to do. 

To be totally honest I don't know what I'm meant to do. I have lots of things I'm passionate about but finding what you're meant to do is hard. I'm only 22 and I'd like to think I have a lot of time ahead of me to figure it out. 

I do know that I don't want my instagram to be a reflection of everything I have eaten. Will there still be food pictures? Maybe. If I feel inclined to post one I will, but I want my feed to show who I am. 

I'm not a girl obsessed with food. 

I'm a girl who's passionate about running, lifting, relationships, trying new things, traveling, connecting with people, rescuing animals, and living life to the fullest. 

I am so much more than the food that I eat. 

So what's next for the blog? I don't know. I do know that I love the community I have gotten to know in my little corner of the internet. I'm going to continue to share thinking out loud posts and probably an occasional recipe, but largely I don't know. I love opening up and sharing random bits of my life with you. I also want to continue to connect with others and at the end of the day if I've made one person smile or brightened someones day then that's good enough for me. 

Thank you for sticking with me on this crazy journey and through this identity crisis. I don't know where I'll end up, but I'm excited for the ride. Most of all I'm excited to be real with you guys and to not have the pressure to just be a food blogger. 

Cheers to a new chapter, figuring out life, and sharing moments that actually matter🎉 

If you want to connect with me and see bits of my real life feel free to do so on instagram or Facebook.