#MeToo

I live my life in front of the camera. Every day I show up for work and go on air sharing stories that matter to the community. Good hair days, bad hair days, waking up with a giant zit and all, it's my job. 

Just because it is my job to be in front of the camera does not give anyone the license to comment on my body. I don't look perfect every day, I'm human and some days I feel like I'm rocking it and other days I want to wear a paper bag over my head. Most people have bad days and don't have to worry about being judged for wearing their hair in a ponytail or wearing leggings, their clothing, necklace, hairstyle, makeup, but everything I wear is. 

Don't get me wrong I knew what I was walking into when I chose this career, however just because I'm a tv news reporter does not mean I'm not human. I still have feelings. I'm pretty dang good at not letting people's comments about my looks affect me, but there are some days where a comment is so mean it's like a punch to the gut.

I remember showing up for one interview where the person I was about to do a news story on told me I don't look as fat in person as I did on camera. Somehow I managed to not have my jaw drop open and pasted a smile on my face to get through the interview. I got back to the station and started pouring through old shows questioning if I was fat and picking apart every single flaw I could find. 

The problem was never me though. I was blaming myself for a problem that had nothing to do with me. 

It's the same way I was blaming myself for having my butt grabbed in Paris by a total stranger when I was just 16. In broken English he told me he just could not help himself. 

It's also the same reason I blamed myself for a guy forcing himself on me shortly after my 18th birthday. To this day thinking of this incident still makes my stomach churn.

My point here is this, the culture we live in often turns a blind eye to the bullying and the unwanted touches.

There is the #MeToo movement, but is it really going to create change? Is it going to stop guys from cat calling me while I'm out on a Friday night with friends? Is it going to stop people from touching others when it's clearly an unwanted advance? 

For so long society has blamed the victim. They've made the victim feel like the unwanted advances were their fault. Questions are asked like what were you wearing? Did you do something that made the other person think it's ok? 

When I was standing on a street corner in Paris I did NOTHING to warrant a strange man grabbing my butt in broad daylight in public. I should have turned around and punched him, but you know what I did? I questioned what I did to have this happen. When I was 18 and a guy forced himself on me I questioned if the shorts I was wearing were too short and made the guy feel like it was ok. I was so ashamed of the incident I never told anyone. I could have filed a police report and gotten the guy in serious trouble, but I society taught me that I had done something to warrant this guy acting like that. 

Screw that. I don't want to live in a world where people think it's ok to tell me I look fat on camera, or grab my butt, or force themselves on me. I really don't care what I'm wearing. Even if my shorts are so short that my butt is hanging out that does not give anyone the right to touch me when I don't want to be touched. 

There is change happening, but a lot more change needs to happen. Parents need to teach their kids it's not ok to touch someone when they don't want to be touched. People need to respect people's boundaries and understand that no means no. I also don't want to live in a world where people live in fear of hugging someone because it could be sexual harassment. There is a line that shouldn't be crossed, but no matter what no always means no. 

I think the #MeToo movement started an important conversation. I love how it's allowing men and women to step out of the shadows and say this has happened to me too and it's not ok. Harassment, sexual or not, is not ok and should never be tolerated. Ever. 

I have always preferred to keep my private life private, but stepping out and speaking up is something that should never be feared. I should have spoken up long ago, but I'm speaking up now and saying #MeToo. I don't want to be just another statistic. I want to help bring change. I want to be a part of the change so my beautiful baby cousins can live in a world where they don't have to fear being sexually harassed every time they walk into work or a bar or wherever. 

I want to be a part of a movement that's about changing the culture in which we live, speaking out against verbal and sexual harassment, and spreading kindness. The world needs all the kindness it can get. 

My hope is that anyone out there who reads this and has been struggling knows that you are not alone. Whatever harassment happened is NOT your fault and you are not alone.