Changing Your Perspective

What a year. I think the only thing all of us can agree on is we're glad to see this dumpster fire of a year end. It's been a divisive, lonely, and just plain hard year. We're missing family, friends, and life as we knew it before COVID. 

As a person who struggles with an autoimmune disease and chronic illness this year has felt especially hard. I already struggle with chronic fatigue, the inability to battle any sort of virus/infection/etc., but this year has hit me in a different kind of way. 

I often struggle because I straddle both the worlds of science and faith, worlds that often make you pick a side. Some struggle to understand how I can be a person of faith and still stand behind science, so let me be clear, until you've struggled with chronic illness- in my case for over a decade- worked with doctors for years trying to figure out what will work best for your body, and been brought to your knees sobbing and begging God to please take the pain away you will not understand. 

Chronic illness gives you a different perspective. Science isn't political to me, it's simply science. Science helps doctors unravel and understand the intricate ways chronic illness attacks my body. Without scientists, doctors, engineers, and so many others I would not be alive. Lupus would have killed me. But because of so many amazing medical professionals and advancements I get to live.

I've spent more time in doctors offices and hospitals in my young life than most people spend there in their entire life. I'm thankful to live in a world with science and I'll even say, I'm thankful to live in a world with vaccines. It's the first time I've felt hopeful in months. 

Chronic illness have ravaged my body leaving me defenseless against any sort of illness. While you might simply get a cold and be fine in a week, I'll end up in the hospital with complications. When COVID hit my doctors made clear to me this was nothing to joke about, it would be a life or death situation for me. I've worked from home basically all year, the hubs and I don't go out socially or out to eat, we only go to the grocery store, and we wash our hands and use hand sanitizer religiously. 

People in church condemned us for not attending in person because, "We clearly do not have enough faith to be saved from the virus." Nope, that's not how that works. Ironically this church has struggled with several different COVID outbreaks, yet their stance hasn't changed. Some friends have deserted us for refusing to hang out. Those same people later tested positive for COVID. 

Contracting COVID is not a matter of not having enough faith because that's not how it works. Community spread is real, it's happening, masks work, and science is real. Do I believe God could make COVID vanish in a split second? Absolutely. Why hasn't God made it all go away? We live in an imperfect and broken world. I can't answer for God, but I do know that I'm looking forward to one day not having a broken body and being healed from disease. However, that does not mean I go out and pretend COVID isn't real. You see I don't want to be a statistic. If I contracted COVID, wound up in the hospital, and doctors had to pick who they think would having the best chance to survive between myself and someone without chronic illness, they'd pick that person. 

I stay home, avoid gatherings, and wear a mask because SCIENCE is real and the science works to keep people safe. Those in the hospitals caring for COVID patients have seen the unthinkable this year. Doctors and nurses have donned garbage bags instead of PPE because it was in short supply. They've worn the same N95 masks for a week or more because they were in short supply. They've put their own health and lives on the line to save and protect others. I stay home to protect my fellow humans and myself. It's not political, in fact it's motivated by love. I love my cousin/matron of honor so I stay home so I don't wind up as another patient she serves. We are called to love one another and this year that means staying away from those we love.

Being in quarantine for the better part of a year has not been easy. There's very few people who truly understand the depths of loneliness that a year in quarantine has brought about. I've been disappointed by people in our church for making COVID a political issue instead of offering to be part of the solution. You may not agree with how local/state/national leaders have handled or not handled COVID, but God is very clear that it doesn't matter if we agree or disagree with them, we're still called to pray for them. I wouldn't want to be the President/Governor/Mayor right now.

On the flip side, I've learned who I can 100% count on. Those people I hold tight. One couple in particular has been unwavering in their friendship and support this year and my gratitude for them is endless. They've checked in, prodded to see how we're actually doing, and loved us from six feet apart. Those are the people I want around. When this is all over I will hug them and may not let go. 

The vaccine offers me hope. Hope that if I do contract COVID after being vaccinated I can survive it. Hope that I will be able to hug my parents soon and not worry about potentially infecting them. Hope that this nightmare will soon be over. Hope that there is life on the other side of this awful pandemic.

So before you judge someone, especially someone with chronic illness, imagine how this year has been for them. I can count on one hand the number of people I've had face-to-face interaction with this year. Has it been lonely? Oh gosh yes, but if it helps stop the spread and protects my family/friends/neighbors and myself then it's worth it. Look outside yourself to the people in your community. While you might have been able to carry on and have some sense of normalcy, people like me have not been able to. 

Think of the people in the trenches of the COVID fight every day they are your neighbors and friends, COVID isn't political for them. They are simply trying to survive and save as many people as they can.  

And if you think the COVID vaccine contains a microchip to track your every movement, you're an idiot.