Goodbye Nebraska

For the first two years I lived in Nebraska all I wanted was to get out. I moved here for a job, believe me I'd never willingly choose to move to Nebraska. I never expected to get engaged then married here, build a circle of close friends, and wind up with three dogs, yet here we are. 

When I moved to Nebraska I HATED it. It's hot as hell, literally, no one told me I would never have a good hair day because there is so.much.wind, and half the time the city of Lincoln smells like a barn. I thought the "Nebraska nice" saying was a joke, but turns out it's true. Most people are really nice. People made an effort to welcome to me, invite me to events, include me in conversations, and make this Michigan girl feel a little less like a fish out of water. 

Now our time in Nebraska is coming to a close. My husband was offered a News Director position in West Virginia so we are moving so he can chase his dreams. We had fully planned on staying in Lincoln another year, but just days before we were going to resign our lease he got the call and the offer followed. We found a house with some land for the dogs to run and for at least the next two years West Virginia will be home. 

It's bittersweet to be leaving NE. I never expected to think of this place that's literally a sea of corn with a few towns in between as home yet it is. We have restaurants that employees know our orders at, we rarely make a trip to the store without bumping into someone we know, and there's a familiarity to everything that welcomes you back like a big hug. Compared to where I grew up Lincoln is a small town. At times it feels suffocating to me because everyone kind of knows each other, but it is nice to have a tight knit community to come beside you when things aren't going great. 

While we work on packing, which I HATE, there's a few people I'd like to say thank you to. Yazmin, you were the first person to reach out when I moved to NE and I knew literally no one. You offered up suggestions of things to do, places to see, and checked on me when I felt really alone. You're an incredible friend and I'm forever in awe of your strength, determination, and kindness. Your heart is pure gold. To Samantha and Buddy who offered friendship when I walked into a new job and was way out of my element. You two have kept me laughing, supported both of us, and made us feel like family not friends. I am forever indebted to you both for staying up with me during last years riots to make sure we were both ok. Your loyalty and unwavering support is rare and we'd like to take you with us. Not to mention you're both incredibly talented photographers. There's a lot of other people that come to mind, but for the sake of being brief I will just say thank you. Thank you to everyone who helped us move every times we needed help. No one ever complained that our couch weighed a million pounds (which is true) or got mad when one of the dogs got in the way. Thank you to the people who have welcomed us at church and supported us during COVID. We're so blessed to be surrounded by a wonderful community of friends. 

Lincoln is a special place. It's a great place to raise a family and maybe one day we'll be back, but for now our chapter in NE is drawing to a close. There is a lot I'll miss but we're excited for a new adventure. We'll have a new place to explore and the dogs will love having so much open space to run and play in. 

To everyone who has had a part in our story, thank you. We love you and we can't wait to see what God has in store for our next adventure. If this chapter is any indication, it's going to be a wild ride. Cheers to a wonderful ending and a new beginning! 

A Year of Isolation

It's hard to believe it's been a year since all of our lives were so drastically changed. COVID. A year ago it felt so foreign, but now it feels personal. It's stolen a year of our lives, robbed us of precious moments with family and friends, and taken away so many people we loved. 

It feels very surreal to be writing this because so much has happened in a year, yet it's felt like I'm spectator watching from afar. I've been in isolation for almost a year. I live with Lupus, an autoimmune disease that attacks my organs, makes any illness- even a common cold- dangerous, and leaves me chronically exhausted and in constant pain. It also places me in the high risk category for COVID (I shared more about it here). I still suffer complications from pneumonia that I had almost two years ago, contracting COVID would kill me. Facing your own mortality puts things into perspective. Things that seemed so important quickly lose their luster. 

It's been a lonely year. Unless you live as a high risk person or live with a high risk loved one you zero concept of what this last year has been like. I haven't been able to go to restaurants, grocery shopping, see friends or family, or live any sort of normalcy. I've missed weddings, my nephew's first birthday, and so many other precious moments I can never get back. I've watched friends and family carry on with their lives and it's hurt. I wish I could have carried on with my normal life pretending COVID was not a big deal and not thinking that I could be the next tally on the growing list of COVID deaths, but I can't. 

Quarantine has been the most isolating experience of my life. I can count on one hand the number of people who have reached out to see if I'm ok or if we need anything. It's amazing how many people you thought were your friends will drop you like a sack of potatoes as soon as they realize you won't hang out because there's too much of a risk to contract COVID. I watched as a church I thought we belonged to turned their back on us because, "We were letting fear win," "We didn't have enough faith," and my personal favorite, "Clearly we have more faith in science than in God." It hurt. It hurt to be rejected by the place that's supposed to be a refuge and comfort. They didn't care to hear my explanations of how I don't have an immune system or that I had a chronic illness that made me high risk or any of my other so called "excuses." Ironically it's place that refused to comply to mask mandates and suffered several rounds of COVID outbreaks, even the pastor contracted COVID, which I hoped would open their eyes and they would change their tune, but they didn't. Guess what, you can believe in God and trust science too.

I don't care to hear your take on mask mandates, lockdowns, or vaccines because COVID should not have been a political game. But it is. For a year I've been a pawn in a game I don't want to play, but I have no choice because my life is at stake. You have no idea what it is like to have your doctor look you in the face and tell you that if it came down to saving you or a person without a chronic health condition they would save that person. You have no idea how that feels. The vaccine was the first glimmer of hope I had had in over a year, but that was ripped away from me as I was just weeks away from getting vaccinated because our Governor said younger people were not at risk (more here). Every single person under the age of 55 who has died in our state has had an underlying health condition. Every. single. one. 

I've been blessed to be able to work from home, but when you don't see other people for weeks or months it's incredibly difficult. I'm thankful to have the dogs home with me all day, but that's not the same as having coworkers to talk to. One of the first times I got out of the house after everything had been shut down in March is one of my best friends took photos of my husband and I for our wedding anniversary. She wore a mask and I couldn't even hug her. That was in July...four months after COVID took over. 

Living in isolation has not been all bad. We've saved a lot of money because we don't go anywhere, the post man and I are now on a first name basis (my apologies for having to delivery our 60 lb. bag of dog food), and I'm pretty sure every square inch of our house has been cleaned and organized at least half a dozen times.

But unless you've lived the past year in my shoes, or anyone else who is high risk, you don't have a damn clue what we've been through. I'm forever grateful to the people who have stood by and checked on us. I'm counting down the days until I can get vaccinated and hug the people I love again. Until then, I'll be at home and on the rare trip out of the house I'll be masked up. And next time you think of saying something snarky to someone who won't hang out with you because of COVID, try walking through a year of COVID as a high risk person who's been in isolation for a year. 

Be kind, the world desperately needs it.

Learning to Trust When Life Feels Very Out of Control

Have you ever looked around and thought everything feels so out of control? 

I'm very Type A and I like everything to be scheduled and planned out weeks, even months in advance. I start planning what Christmas presents I will get people in the summer, I buy birthday cards three to six months in advance, and I plan out my grocery order two weeks in advance. But life does not always go according to plan. I really don't like when I cannot control the circumstances and dare I say even the people around me. I want everything to go this way and when it does not go that way I feel very out of control. 

Maybe you're like me and feeling very out of control recently. When everything does not go according to plan and hopes and dreams come crashing down it can be gut wrenching. You question yourself. You question God. WHY would God who is supposedly good allow this to happen? Does God not want what is best for me?  

Recently I listened to a sermon about our need for control and let me tell you it was a punch in the gut. My need for control, and maybe yours too, is a problem. My need for control shows a lack of faith in God to make the best decision for my life. I want to control God and tell him what is best for my life. My perfectly laid plans might not be what God has in mind for me and when his plan do not match mine I get upset. I think I know what is best for my life when in reality I can't see the full picture. 

God knows the full picture of my life. He knows when I sit, when I rise, he knows my thoughts, and he knows the desires of my heart (Psalm 139:2). Who am I to think I know what is best for myself when God knit me together (Psalm 139:13)? The reality of it is I do not know what is best for my life. Simply saying that has me feeling shaky and very out of control. 

I never planned to stay in Nebraska more than two years. My plan was to finish my television contract out and move on to my next market without ever looking back. God had different plans. I met my now husband at the station, we married, and now I've been in NE for 3.5 years. Had I followed my own plans I would have missed out on the biggest blessing of my life. 

Last winter we were making plans to change jobs and leave NE. As we were finalizing offers, COVID hit and everything was tabled. I pushed and pushed and pushed because I was miserable and this was what I wanted. I worked so hard to make the move happen, but no matter how hard I pushed it would not work. I was so angry with myself, with God, and with the world because I thought this what was best for me. Less than six months later the town we were looking to move to burned to the ground in a wildfire. The houses we looked at were gone. There was nothing but ash and rubble remaining. That wildfire did not surprise God. He knew all along that was not the time or the place for us to be.

So why even after seeing God's hand of protection guide us do I still try to control everything around me? Well for starters I'm not perfect, my husband would tell you I'm far from it. In our hearts we can know God is good and God is for us, but intellectually we still want to control all that is around us. That doesn't make us bad people, it's doesn't mean we don't trust God, it simply means we are human. I'm learning that instead of feeling overwhelmed and out of control, I need to take a step back and realize I am not in control and I need to go to the one who is in control. 

There's a song called, "Hallelujah Even Here" by Lydia Laird and it's perfect for the moments when we feel very out of control. Instead of looking at the circumstances spiraling out of control around us we need to look up to the one who controls it all. It's not easy to praise God when things don't go our way or when we feel out of control, but it's not a race. Lord knows I'd lose every single time, but praise God for his grace. Sometimes I begrudgingly come to him and say this is not how things were supposed to go. God does not care how we show up, he will welcome you as you are. Read that again, God does not care how you show up, he will welcome you as you are. God just wants you to show up.

When you're devastated because a job didn't work out, or a relationship that you thought held promise ends, or when someone says something very hurtful God welcomes you with open arms. God doesn't ask you to clean yourself up and bring the best version of yourself, sometimes we have to come kicking and screaming and fall at his feet. Sometimes we have to drag ourselves to him because we want to hide in our shame. God still welcomes you. When things did not work out last winter there were plenty of day and nights I cried and screamed and demanded to know why. God does not love us any less when we question him or when we're angry when things don't work out as we planned them, he wants you to bring all of that to him. Lay that burden at his feet. It's a heavy load to carry yourself. Lay it down at the feet of the one who holds you close.

We may never know why God allowed something to happen to us, we may never know why something we were desperately hoping and praying for did not work out, but I promise you God's way is always so much better than ours. Even when we can't make sense of it, even when it hurts now, God is still holding you close and his plan for you is perfect (Joshua 29:11). 

So if you're a recovering Type A like me there is hope. God has not given up on us yet, thank goodness. You are not in this battle alone, God is with you and he is for you, he will never leave you or forsake you (Deut. 31:6), even when you're still trying to plan your life out because you just can't stop yourself God is still with you.  

Changing Your Perspective

What a year. I think the only thing all of us can agree on is we're glad to see this dumpster fire of a year end. It's been a divisive, lonely, and just plain hard year. We're missing family, friends, and life as we knew it before COVID. 

As a person who struggles with an autoimmune disease and chronic illness this year has felt especially hard. I already struggle with chronic fatigue, the inability to battle any sort of virus/infection/etc., but this year has hit me in a different kind of way. 

I often struggle because I straddle both the worlds of science and faith, worlds that often make you pick a side. Some struggle to understand how I can be a person of faith and still stand behind science, so let me be clear, until you've struggled with chronic illness- in my case for over a decade- worked with doctors for years trying to figure out what will work best for your body, and been brought to your knees sobbing and begging God to please take the pain away you will not understand. 

Chronic illness gives you a different perspective. Science isn't political to me, it's simply science. Science helps doctors unravel and understand the intricate ways chronic illness attacks my body. Without scientists, doctors, engineers, and so many others I would not be alive. Lupus would have killed me. But because of so many amazing medical professionals and advancements I get to live.

I've spent more time in doctors offices and hospitals in my young life than most people spend there in their entire life. I'm thankful to live in a world with science and I'll even say, I'm thankful to live in a world with vaccines. It's the first time I've felt hopeful in months. 

Chronic illness have ravaged my body leaving me defenseless against any sort of illness. While you might simply get a cold and be fine in a week, I'll end up in the hospital with complications. When COVID hit my doctors made clear to me this was nothing to joke about, it would be a life or death situation for me. I've worked from home basically all year, the hubs and I don't go out socially or out to eat, we only go to the grocery store, and we wash our hands and use hand sanitizer religiously. 

People in church condemned us for not attending in person because, "We clearly do not have enough faith to be saved from the virus." Nope, that's not how that works. Ironically this church has struggled with several different COVID outbreaks, yet their stance hasn't changed. Some friends have deserted us for refusing to hang out. Those same people later tested positive for COVID. 

Contracting COVID is not a matter of not having enough faith because that's not how it works. Community spread is real, it's happening, masks work, and science is real. Do I believe God could make COVID vanish in a split second? Absolutely. Why hasn't God made it all go away? We live in an imperfect and broken world. I can't answer for God, but I do know that I'm looking forward to one day not having a broken body and being healed from disease. However, that does not mean I go out and pretend COVID isn't real. You see I don't want to be a statistic. If I contracted COVID, wound up in the hospital, and doctors had to pick who they think would having the best chance to survive between myself and someone without chronic illness, they'd pick that person. 

I stay home, avoid gatherings, and wear a mask because SCIENCE is real and the science works to keep people safe. Those in the hospitals caring for COVID patients have seen the unthinkable this year. Doctors and nurses have donned garbage bags instead of PPE because it was in short supply. They've worn the same N95 masks for a week or more because they were in short supply. They've put their own health and lives on the line to save and protect others. I stay home to protect my fellow humans and myself. It's not political, in fact it's motivated by love. I love my cousin/matron of honor so I stay home so I don't wind up as another patient she serves. We are called to love one another and this year that means staying away from those we love.

Being in quarantine for the better part of a year has not been easy. There's very few people who truly understand the depths of loneliness that a year in quarantine has brought about. I've been disappointed by people in our church for making COVID a political issue instead of offering to be part of the solution. You may not agree with how local/state/national leaders have handled or not handled COVID, but God is very clear that it doesn't matter if we agree or disagree with them, we're still called to pray for them. I wouldn't want to be the President/Governor/Mayor right now.

On the flip side, I've learned who I can 100% count on. Those people I hold tight. One couple in particular has been unwavering in their friendship and support this year and my gratitude for them is endless. They've checked in, prodded to see how we're actually doing, and loved us from six feet apart. Those are the people I want around. When this is all over I will hug them and may not let go. 

The vaccine offers me hope. Hope that if I do contract COVID after being vaccinated I can survive it. Hope that I will be able to hug my parents soon and not worry about potentially infecting them. Hope that this nightmare will soon be over. Hope that there is life on the other side of this awful pandemic.

So before you judge someone, especially someone with chronic illness, imagine how this year has been for them. I can count on one hand the number of people I've had face-to-face interaction with this year. Has it been lonely? Oh gosh yes, but if it helps stop the spread and protects my family/friends/neighbors and myself then it's worth it. Look outside yourself to the people in your community. While you might have been able to carry on and have some sense of normalcy, people like me have not been able to. 

Think of the people in the trenches of the COVID fight every day they are your neighbors and friends, COVID isn't political for them. They are simply trying to survive and save as many people as they can.  

And if you think the COVID vaccine contains a microchip to track your every movement, you're an idiot.

Chocolate Peanut Butter Bites (No bake, gluten free)

It's been a LONG time since I've shared a recipe on here. Honestly, it's been awhile since I felt like baking anything because working from home has kept me so busy and I no longer have coworkers to take treats into. 

Slowly but surely I've gotten back into the kitchen. This week has been super stressful so I've found myself baking more than usual. I don't know what it is about baking, but it's such a good way to relax. 

With the summer heat the last thing I want to do is turn on my oven. Instead of baking, I've been testing out no bake recipes. This one has been a winner with my hubs and our neighbors. It's quick, easy, it's a great one to involve the kids on, and best of all you can keep your ovens off!

Chocolate Peanut Butter Bites

• 1/2 cup peanut butter
• 3 Tablespoons butter (I used plant butter and it works just as well as dairy butter)
• 1 cup powdered sugar
• 4 oz bakers chocolate

In a mixing bowl using an electric mixer combine peanut butter and butter until smooth.

Add in powdered sugar to peanut butter/butter combo and mix until combined.

Next, using your hands roll the mixture into balls and place on a plate. Depending on the size of your balls you will get between 10-15 balls. 

Place plate with peanut butter bites in freezer for 15-20 minutes until firm. 

When you take peanut butter balls out of freezer, put 4 ounces of bakers chocolate into a microwave safe bowl and heat up in 30 second intervals until melted. Depending on the strength of your microwave it will take between 1-2 minutes. 

Once chocolate is melted coat one peanut butter bite at a time until all have been covered in chocolate. 

Place chocolate covered peanut butter bites in freezer again for 15-20 minutes until the chocolate has hardened, then dig in!

Store chocolate peanut butter bites in fridge for up to a week. 

If you make them tag me in your photos on instagram @rachael_miner, I can't wait to see your creations!

Let's Talk About Defunding the Media

This topic gets me all sorts of fired up. First off I hate the term, "The Media." There are different types of media and there's a huge difference between local and national media. Not to mention the media is not funded, media outlets survive off advertising. Before I dive into those topics I want to give you a little background into what it's actually like to be a reporter. 

My experience is as a T.V. reporter which is very different from being a radio or newspaper reporter, however we largely cover the same things minus feature stories (the feel good stories). Being a T.V. reporter is a ton of fun, but it's not a walk in the park. Local news reporters, the ones in your towns not the national ones, don't get money for clothes, hair, makeup, let alone there are not people who do our hair or makeup before each newscast. Often reporters are doing their makeup and hair in a rush before the newscast starts and it's likely they're doing it in a news van (or live truck) without great lighting. 

As a reporter every single day is something different. We pitch story ideas which are usually things happening in the community and any sort of breaking news from the day. Once we have our story or stories for the day we set up interviews which I shoot and edit by myself. I write my own story, track my voice, put the entire story together, get it up online, and present it in a newscast or two. It's a ton of work, but it's fun because no two days are ever the same. Same days are nuts with breaking news or big events like elections, protests, state executions (yes, those are a thing here), etc. 

HOWEVER, What most people don't know is not only do we do every single thing by ourselves, we pay for our own clothes and makeup and we make less than people working at McDonalds. We do not get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to be on T.V. In fact, reporting is one of the worst paid businesses out there aside from retail. First time reporting jobs make on average 25k a year. THAT'S BEFORE TAXES Y'ALL. No one goes into T.V. to get rich quick, that simply does not exist in the news business. 

Not only are we paid crap, we get to deal with viewers harassing us on a daily basis both online and in person. People think that because someone is on T.V. it gives them license to say anything about them- NOT TRUE. If you wouldn't say it to my face don't say it online. If you do want to say rude things to my face, which a few people have, I will 100% call you on it. I always made sure to live in a secure, locked building while I was single because people are creeps and try to find out where we live- I don't even want to think about what they'd do if they figured it out. I've been sent dick pictures, more men than I care to count have harassed me, and don't even get started on the sexually explicit messages that have been sent to me- I don't take crap from anyone and have filed numerous police reports. I'm not sure in what universe anyone thinks these things are ok to do just because someone is on T.V. but it's not ok and no reporter gets paid enough to deal wit that sh**. Even if I made 150k I still wouldn't tolerate that behavior. 

Now that you have a little background, let me explain how T.V. stations operate. T.V. stations are license by the FCC- Federal Communications Commission- and they regulate what can and cannot be aired on television as airwaves are publicly owned. There are restrictions against indecency and obscenity that stations can be fined huge amounts of money over (think 250k per offense) and even lose their FCC license over. There's a ton more that goes into regulating what can and cannot air on television but I don't want to bore you to tears. Just know broadcasters are held to a very strict standard and there are huge consequences for any sort of actions (if interested look into the changes the FCC made after the Janet Jackson/Justin Timberlake Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction).

T.V. stations are funded by advertising- both traditional over the air advertising and digital advertising. Digital ads bring in money but the majority of money is brought in by traditional over the air broadcasting. Prices of advertising, or "spots" which are 30-60 seconds in length, depend on ratings in the market. If you're the number one station in the market- that is you have the most viewers tuning into your newscasts- you can charge more per advertising spot than someone with less viewers. Ads are sold both locally and nationally, but largely local news stations are supported by LOCAL advertisers who pay for the airtime to get their product/service in front of people. There's other small ways that local television stations make money, but it's primarily based on advertising. 

When people talk about "Defunding the Media" not only do they have no clue what they are talking about, they largely have no idea how a news station is run. A television station could not run without advertisers, if advertisers choose to pull their advertisements from a station for any number of reasons it does impact a station. The federal government/taxpayers do not fund T.V. stations but T.V. stations are required to operate in the, "public interest, convenience, and necessity." Stations have to air PSA's (Public Service Announcements)- things like wildfire prevention, stop the spread of COVID information, etc. 

Local news stations do not have an agenda. Let me say that again for all the naysayers- LOCAL NEWS STATIONS DO NOT HAVE AN AGENDA. We are required to give equal air time to political candidates (if you don't believe me check with the FCC) and we have to remain unbiased. It's not our job to tell you who to vote for, but it is our job to tell you there's an election happening, tell you who the candidates are, and tell you how long the polls will be open for. Not once have I ever had a news director (the person who's in control in a newsroom) tell me to not say or do something because of politics. Reporters don't have an agenda, we're just doing our job. 

National outlets are an entirely different ball game as are cable outlets. National outlets like ABC news, NBC news, CBS, they are separate from your local stations. Stations are affiliated with a network (I won't even go down that rabbit hole to explain things) for programming and other things. In recent years national news outlets have let their politics be known by their coverage of political issues. Network anchors and reports have been very open about their politics, which is a HUGE NO NO at local news stations. We always said if someone could figure out our politics we have not done our job correctly. Other national outlets like The New York Times have come out with their hatred of our current President and that is their choice. They lost advertisers because of it because some advertisers don't want to be aligned with a political preference.

Here's the great thing about news and media- YOU choose what YOU consume. If you think ABC News is too liberal don't follow them. If you only want to see a conservative opinion follow Fox News (cable news outlets are typically very open about their political opinions). You are 100% in control of what you see on your social media feeds. If someone kept posting on their Facebook about what a terrible person you are you would unfriend them, so why not do the same with news. Be a critical consumer. News outlets seek expert opinions on matters- doctors, scientists, etc.- and you get to evaluate if you believe what they are telling you or not. If you don't want to see their content anymore unfollow them it's that simple. Not every single thing you see on the internet is true and not every site that claims to be "news" is in it for the good of the public.

Defunding the media not only does not make sense, it's actually harmful to our communities. Local news stations give people in your community and mine a chance to have their voices heard. Locals news stations help criminals get caught, they partner with local charities giving away tens of thousands of dollars, they share vital medical information that saves lives. Local T.V. stations do so much good in their communities.

No one goes into news for money or fame. We get into news because we care about our communities and we want to make them better places to live and work for everyone. We want to tell you about the amazing work someone in your community did and we want to catch people who prey on other people so our communities are safer.  If you think you can do a better job than a local reporter then by all means apply for a job. I can guarantee you would be shocked by how hard your local reporters work, how little they make, and by how much they actually care about their local communities. Also, if there were no reporters how would you ever know what is going on in your community?

Let's Talk About Hydroxycloroquine

Hydroxycloroquine. Unless you've been living under a rock for the last six months you've undoubtedly heard of the medication. It's been touted as a COVID "wonder drug" by our President and been approached with skepticism by the medical community. Before we get into all that fun, let's chat briefly about the drug's history. 

Hydroxycloroquine (HCQ) was first approved for medical use in 1955 in the United States as anti-malaria drug. It can be used for both the prevention and the treatment of malaria, especially when traveling to areas where malaria is common. HCQ is commonly used to treat rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, and other autoimmune diseases. The drug is generally very well tolerated with mild, if any, side effects they present in nausea, stomach pains, and headache. HCQ is even safe to use while pregnant. People who do use it on a regular basis have to have their eyes checked for a rare eye condition called retinopathy which can lead to blindness. HCQ is only available by prescription. 

More recently HCQ has been making headlines for it's potential to treat COVID-19 as it was used to treat SARS patients and had shown success. The President had touted HCQ as a "miracle drug" before any large scale studies had been done, thus it's impossible to say for certain if HCQ is indeed a treatment for COVID-19 or not. Studies take a lot of time, energy, and money to conduct. For a medical study to be credible other specialists and researchers have to be able to replicate it, but because COVID is a brand new virus there hasn't been enough time to study it let alone find a cure for it. We're still learning about this virus so it's too early to say something is or is not a cure without significant medical research.  

There are people like me who rely on HCQ to function and live our lives in any sort of normal fashion, but when the President started touting how wonderful HCQ was it became nearly impossible to get the medication I (and many others) need. Doctors started prescribing it to themselves, their family members, and friends so the demand for HCQ SKYROCKETED thus making it incredibly difficult, if not impossible for people who need the medication to get it. The pharmacy I go to started seeing perfectly healthy people coming in with prescriptions for HCQ- these were people who did not need the drug but got a prescription from a family member or friend because the President said it worked. I'm not getting into the political issue of it all, I'm just saying look to qualified professionals in the medical field who have years of experience studying infection diseases and helping patients rather than someone who has never been to medical school. 

How does HCQ work? Basically, HCQ helps suppress the body's immune system. The immune system helps fight infections and helps prevent you from getting sick. I have Lupus, an autoimmune disease, so my immune system does not function properly. To better understand how HCQ helps, imagine a normal five-year-old. Now imagine giving that five-year-old Mountain Dew and Pixie Sticks- the kid is going to be bouncing off the walls and there's no attempting to make the child behave with that much sugar in his/her system. The five-year-old on too much sugar is my immune system- it's overactive and it's attacking EVERYTHING (the good cells and the bad cells) which is harming me instead of helping me. HCQ lowers my immune system to try to prevent it from attacking itself- so the HCQ is basically the kid not on that much sugar. HOWEVER, with my immunity lowered I'm more susceptible to infections. Not only am I more susceptible to infections because my immune system is attacking itself, I'm ever more susceptible because HCQ is suppressing my body's ability to fight infection because my body lacks the ability to distinguish between good cells and bad cells, thus I'm an incredibly high risk for contracting and suffering complications from COVID-19. It gets WAY more complicated but I'm trying to keep things relatively simple. 

Not being on HCQ is WAY more harmful to me than being on it. I've been on HCQ for the better part of a decade and the one time a rheumatologist tried to get me off the medication I was worse off than being on the medication. Lupus is a complex disease and I'm on several medications to help control it (there's no cure for lupus), but HCQ is the main drug. Without HCQ the joint pain and immflamuation is so crippling I can't get out of bed because my entire body hurts. It's psychically impossible for me to walk- the swelling in my feet gets so bad even setting my feet down on the floor is so painful I scream in agony. My hands blow up like balloons and I can't bend my fingers. The exhaustion becomes so overwhelming simply walking to the bathroom takes all the energy I have. Let me be clear that HCQ does not eliminate all these symptoms, it doesn't and some days even with HCQ I'm still in crippling pain or too exhausted to move. HCQ helps reduce symptoms along with some of the other medications I'm on. Even on HCQ I've ended up in the emergency room for crippling pain and in the hospital for a week with pancreatitis. Lupus is complicated and so is HCQ. 

I need HCQ to function on a daily basis. Even missing a single dose of it I notice a huge difference in how I feel and my ability to function. If you don't have an autoimmune disease or malaria or are traveling to place where malaria is common you don't need HCQ. 

I totally understand why doctors are trying to use HCQ in the fight against COVID. COVID presents so differently from person to person so maybe it will work for one person and not for another. All I'm asking you is to do your research on where you are getting your information from. Look into a doctors background because it does matter. There's a huge difference in being a family physician and being an infectious disease doctor. Do your research, know where information is coming from, ask questions, and be kind. You have no idea what it's like or how stressful it is to be on HCQ right now and not know if you'll be able to get your medication or not. You have no idea how stressful and scary it is to have an autoimmune disease and be high risk for COVID (I shared a bit about that here). 

I'm not going to pretend to know everything because I don't, but I do know HCQ very well after having been on it for so long, reading countless books and studies about it, and having pestered my doctors with thousands of questions. 

If you'd like to learn more about HCQ here are some resources: 

https://www.accessdata.fda.gov/drugsatfda_docs/label/2017/009768s037s045s047lbl.pdf

https://www.fda.gov/drugs/drug-safety-and-availability/fda-cautions-against-use-hydroxychloroquine-or-chloroquine-covid-19-outside-hospital-setting-or

https://www.rheumatology.org/I-Am-A/Patient-Caregiver/Treatments/Hydroxychloroquine-Plaquenil

https://www.fda.gov/media/138945/download

Continuing the Conversation: Living with Chronic Illness in the Midst of a Global Pandemic

It's been a little over a week since I shared about my struggles in living with a chronic illness during this global pandemic (if you don't know what I'm talking about read it here). To be honest I didn't expect much in the way of a response since the topic of COVID and masks have become an incredibly divisive political issue, which I'm still struggling to understand as other countries have not had this problem, but the response I've gotten has truly been incredible. 

So many people have reached out to me to apologize for the people who have berated me in the middle of grocery stores and farmers markets. People have reached out to apologize for all the people who have made assumptions and tried to get me kicked out of stores for abusing the reserved shopping hour for 60+ and immunocompromised people. While I'm incredibly grateful for all the kind words I think we all need to do better. There's a severe lack of education and understanding for people who suffer from "invisible illnesses." Just because you can't see a disease or a compromised immune system with the naked eye does not mean it's not real. 

This pandemic has brought out the best in people, but it's also brought out the worst in people. Some, not all, have taken on the mindset that it's every man for himself, when in fact this is the time we should be watching out for one another. I think of all the people with hearing loss/problems that rely on reading lips but they cannot do that anymore because everyone has masks on. I think of people with claustrophobia for who wearing a mask feels like it's suffocating them. I think of people who are undergoing cancer treatment that are unable to do their own grocery shopping because it's too dangerous to go out. I think of all the doctors/nurses/hospital staffers who have made the heartbreaking decision to isolate themselves from their families so they don't bring COVID home with them. There are so many battles people are facing right now that we can't see, but that does not make them any less real. Take time to educate yourselves. Check on elderly neighbors to see if they need anything. If a friend or loved one has a condition that puts them at a great risk for COVID call and see how they are or if they need someone to run to the store for them. We need people more than ever, even if we all have to be at a distance. 

Next time you go out be kinder than necessary. Don't make assumptions about people based on what they look like. Offer help where you can, mind your manners- please and thank you go a long way these days, be respectful of other peoples decisions and keep your mouth closed regarding other peoples situations that you know nothing about. 

Chronic illnesses are draining enough- trust me. The last thing anyone with one wants or needs is someone else butting into their medical illnesses/conditions that you know nothing about.

Be kind and keep your mouth closed. 

Living with Chronic Illness in the Midst of a Global Pandemic

I've been trying to write this for two months now and every time I sit down to write I'm left wondering, "How do I even put it into words?" Honestly quarantine has been a rollercoaster of emotions. There's been moments of pure joy and happiness, but there's also been a lot of really lonely moments.

Having a chronic illness before COVID was already challenging and often very lonely, but COVID has amplified the struggle 100x. I can't even begin to tell you the number of people who have told me, "COVID isn't real," or, "It's a government conspiracy." I'm not here to debate your thoughts on the issue, I'm simply here to say people with chronic illness are struggling IMMENSELY now. How do I know this? Because I am one of those people. 

As a 20-something year old with Lupus, a chronic autoimmune disease, I was already living a life drastically different from my peers. Chronic pain, extreme fatigue, brain fog, and a plethora of other symptoms consume most of my days. Symptoms come and go depending on the day, the weather, the amount of sleep I have (or haven't) gotten. In many ways my body is not my own. This disease owns my body, doing with it what it wants, leaving me to deal with the aftermath. At times it's a very lonely existence because very few of my friends understand what it's like to cope with a chronic illness as a 20-something year old. 

When COVID cases started tallying up across the country I knew this was something we I wouldn't be able to ignore. In the span of a few weeks I went from getting up, working out, and going to work, to staying at home 24/7. I'm very blessed to be able to work from home, it's a privilege I know many in this country and around the world have not been blessed with. While I consider myself both and introvert and an extrovert suddenly the lack of people to talk and interact with on any given day was difficult. I also struggled without the consistency of a routine.

By mid-March I had finally nailed a routine down of waking up, working out, and then getting to work. It's the same routine I'm following today and will follow for who knows how long. My boss has been wonderfully supportive in letting me work from home and understanding my risk factors.

But it's not easy. Where we live no one has taken COVID seriously. People don't wear masks and don't respect social distancing. Also, everyone assumes that because I'm young I'm perfectly healthy. You can't see cancer, you can't see lupus, you can't see a plethora of disease but that does not mean they are not real.

There's a few grocery stores here that have special hours for people who are 60+ and for those with compromised immune systems to shop before they open to the public. Every single time I've gone to those shopping hours, mind you most of them are from 6-8 a.m., I've been berated for being selfish and taking advantage of shopping when I can go during their normal hours and someone ALWAYS tries to get me thrown out because I'm young and perfectly healthy. Several times I've almost left my cart and ran out of the store in tears. I flat out refuse to go to the local farmers market anymore because while we were there during their special shopping hours I was approached and yelled at by a woman who called me a slew of nasty names and tried to get me thrown out. 

I'm sorry but who is anyone to judge someone by how they looks? I am far from perfectly healthy. I basically don't have an immune system, my white blood cell count is in the toilet (white blood cells help fight infection), and I have organs that don't work properly. Not to mention it's a weekly struggle to get the medications I need because the Federal Government is testing them in the fight against COVID, thus making me an even higher risk for COVID. Do I need to wear a shirt that says, "I have an autoimmune disease and lack the ability to fight infection. COVID could kill me." 

COVID is not a joke for people with chronic illness. I don't care how you feel about masks or what your thoughts on the matter are. If someone you loved had a chronic illness and you knew that COVID could kill them wouldn't you do everything in your power to keep them healthy? I know I would. I've stopped going to the grocery stores and the only time we leave our home is to pick up a grocery order, to run or walk in our neighborhood, or to take the dogs to the dog park at hours when others are not there. We don't go anywhere else because I'm tired of being yelled at. 

The simple fact of the matter is COVID could kill me. My body does not have the ability to fight any virus let alone COVID. How do you think I feel telling my husband that in the event I do contract COVID please do not let them put me on a ventilator? I know my chances of survival are basically zero so I don't want the fight to drag on for weeks or months. It's gut wrenching but this is my reality. 

I stay home because I want to live. I want to see my husband accomplish all his career goals, I want to see my baby nephew grow up and get married, I want to see my dogs run around like nuts in the yard, I want to purchase a home, I want to hug my parents without fear. There are so many things I want to do but I won't see any of it come to fruition if I get COVID. My doctors have made it very clear that wearing masks saves lives. Put yourself in my place. If you knew getting COVID was a death sentence you'd wear a mask. The CDC has made it clear that if 80% of the population wore masks we could be done with COVID in 2-3 months. I wear a mask because I want to live.

Regardless of how you feel about the matter please try putting yourself in my shoes. Everyone wants life to return to normal ASAP, but it takes all of us working together to make that happen.

Life Updates: Moving, Quarantine, Protests (Thinking Out Loud #130)

Happy Thursday and happy June! I'm a little late to the party as it's already more than halfway through June. I've struggled to write these past few months so I've stayed away. Please understand that the struggle is not because I have nothing to say, in fact it's quite the opposite. I've had lots of things I've wanted to say just no matter how I tried to write them it never sounded quite right. I'm going to try to have it make sense this time so bear with me. Let's just jump in to this life update/thinking out loud.

1. This was part of the devotional that the hubs and I were reading yesterday and it really struck a chord with me. The devotional is on the YouVersion app and it's called Tony Evans Explores Racial Reconciliation. For me the words were a breath of fresh air because so few people are willing to go out on a limb and call racism what it is- SIN. Whether we want to admit it or not we've all be guilty of being racist. There are so many layers to racism, but I firmly believe racism is taught. No one is inherently racist. Think about your family, your friends, your coworkers. How diverse are the people you hang around? Most of us hang around with people who are like us even if we don't consciously think about it. Go learn what minorities go through in our country. Listen to their stories, read their books, and learn. Have hard conversation with your friends and family. I know my husband and I have had some very hard conversations in recent weeks. We want to learn, we want to do better. Racism is sin and there is no justifying sin in God's eyes. Change is hard, but change is also necessary. 

2. On a little bit lighter of a note the hubs and I celebrated one year of marriage on June 8th. It seems like the year has flown by, but it also feels like it's been the longest year ever. Nevertheless I'm very thankful to have spent the past year learning and growing with this amazing man. And no we will not be having kids, please stop asking. 

3. A few weeks before our first anniversary we moved into a house. We're renting not buying as we planned to leave NE but COVID happened and everything was put on hold for a year. On the bright side we have a yard for the dogs and a little bit more space than what we had in our apartment. Zeke discovered the joys of sprinklers yet we purchased him a $50 doggie pool on Amazon since he loves the water but he has no interest in it, sigh.

4. Ginger is loving having some extra space to play and nap in. We have a basement which we've turned into a home office for me and a gym since the gyms are still closed. Every morning Ginger comes down to workout with me and flops over on her back. She's always so excited until she realizes I'm going to workout, which she promptly rolls over and takes a nap 😂 At least she's willing to keep me company.

5. It's no secret that I love some good tacos. I love tacos even more when they're 99 cents. NE friends if you're looking for a great deal on tacos on Thursdays Meztil in Lincoln has 99 cent tacos. You have to call and order early because they are insanely busy! We drove twenty minutes last week to pick up our 99 cent tacos, but it was so worth it!

6. The dogs have been doing really good since we moved. Zeke can be left out of his crate during the day when we work, even though now I'm home, but he recently figured out how to spider monkey up onto our kitchen island. Our living room is a lot smaller than what we had before so we had to push a chair up against the backside of the island. Well Zeke figured out he can climb onto the back of the chair and onto the kitchen island. Lord have mercy I swear this dog will be the death of me. He has no fears and discipline has no effect on him. My mother says it's paybacks for my teenage years.

Normally I'd say I'll try to post more often but I really have not decided what I'm going to do with this space yet. I don't know if I want to blog still as it's been awhile since I've shared a recipe. For now I'm going to keep working, keep learning, and keep having the hard conversations. Have a great Thursday and rest of your week!

Coronavirus and Quarantine: Thinking Out Loud #129

Happy Thursday! It's been a little over a month since I last posted and my how things have changed. Last month my husband and I were talking about where we might want to go for a short weekend away and now I'm in quarantine at home so I don't get sick with coronavirus- I'm a high risk person since I have lupus and other underlying health conditions but I'll explain more later. It's only been a few days, but it's been a rollercoaster from feeling trapped to actually learning to enjoy being still. This probably won't be a normal thinking out loud, but let's jump in!  

1. Let's take a minute to talk about this stockpiling toilet paper craziness. There is no scientific evidence that coronavirus causes diarrhea, therefore you do not need 105 rolls of toilet paper stockpiled in your basement. My husband and I legitimately needed toilet paper last week and it took us half a dozen stores before we could find it. Stop buying and hoarding, grocery stores have been ordered to stay open so you can still go buy everything you need. Remember if you're hoarding you're taking supplies away from someone with cancer or a suppressed immune system that it's literally dangerous for them to go shopping. Don't be that person.

2. Let's talk about "the media." The media did not invent coronavirus. The media did not tell you to buy 800 rolls of toilet paper. All the media did tell you to do is wash your hands. As a reporter there's nothing I hate more than hearing the phrases "the media" and "fake news." Your local news reporters have been working day and night to get you the latest news about coronavirus to keep you and your families safe. Reporters are risking their own health and safety to tell the stories you need to know. Stop bagging on them and being rude. We are not paid enough to deal with your hate. Why don't you go count all the toilet paper you have stock piled in your basement instead of hating on us on social media.

3. These times are scary and uncertain, but the average healthy person- no underlying health conditions and under the age of 60 will fight coronavirus just fine. HOWEVER, please don't be going out to restaurants and bars disregarding the health and safety of others. Many young people are carries of coronavirus and don't even know it. By going out you're spreading the disease to every person you come in contact with. Don't be an a**hole, just stay home. Also, if you can please check on your elderly neighbors. The elderly are the most vulnerable. We delivered groceries for an elderly woman with a heart condition whose doctor told her not to go out. It does not take much effort to be a good human. Watch out for those who can't watch out for themselves. 

4. Work sent me home on Tuesday with the orders to work from home for the indefinite future. As I've talked about previously I have lupus. It's an autoimmune condition that suppresses my body's ability to fight off infection. While the average person might get a bad cold, I'll get that same cold but my body can't fight it so I'll end up in the ER for complications. My white blood cell count, they help fight infections in the body, is really low right now which also makes me more susceptible to illnesses like coronavirus. Working from home has been a challenge with two needy dogs but we are making the best of it. We're still washing our hands a ton (the CDC recommends washing with soap for at least 20 seconds) and avoiding going anywhere. So far the dogs are loving it because they're getting more attention than normal and I certainly don't mind all the extra puppy snuggles. 

5. Here's my take on all the craziness that is happening right now. I had shared some of it on my instagram earlier this week, but I'll share it again. There's no need for worry, fear, or panic. God is still in control. God is still good. God still has a plan. We don't know what that plan is so naturally we worry, but we're not supposed to. We're supposed to take each day our daily bread. We only face one day at a time and the bible says each days worries are enough. We don't have to worry about today or tomorrow. Trust me I know it's tough. No one knows where their jobs stand, heck even I don't, but I'm not worried. I was asked the other day if I'm worried because I'm in the high risk group and I can confidently say no, no I'm not. If God's will is for me to get coronavirus and recover from it, so be it. If his will is to take me home, awesome I won't have to worry about a crappy immune system anymore. None of us know anything for certain. All I do know is that God is in control so I'm good with that. 

I know time are uncertain but count your blessings not your problems. Have a great rest of the week and a wonderful weekend (at home)!